City of Disbelief
Sometimes you don’t always realize what you’re holding back from God. For me, it’s not until talking to one of my best friends that I realize I’ve been minimizing things. Hiding. I know that no relationship, no matter it’s varying shades of “best”-ness, equates to a love that has “cast out all fear”. I know that this side of heaven, relationships are broken, and fear, though unwelcomed, has its own seat at the table.
How disarming, the love of God… I don’t always bring my deepest truest self to him. I don’t want my emotions to be true. I don’t want to be honest. It’s so helpful to have friends, whose candor and care reminds you how sweetly and gingerly he seeks out the truth in us. He seeks to know our hearts- to have us share our hearts- just as they are, not as they should be. He knows the houses I make in my mind… houses of belief, more often made of straw than bricks.
Several times in scripture, it says that Jesus didn’t perform miracles in towns rampant with disbelief. What would be the point?
I don’t want my heart to be that kind of city. I don’t want my heart to be a city of disbelief.
Sometimes the bravest move isn’t the strongest. Sometimes it’s vulnerable and weak. Sometimes it’s laying our armor down and letting God call our bluff. Sometimes we need to dance with God… ragamuffins that we are.
I lay down my common foes and lay it all bare. Conquer this city with deep roots of faith and joy, surrounded in your Presence.